I always thought dying was the worst thing that could happen to a person. But that was a long time ago. Since then, I've learned too much to believe such foolish nonsense. The truth is, there's a lot worst than dying.

I haven't always been old. In fact, there was a time when I was as young and sparse as you are now. But luck will have it that time transpires with or without our permission, and so here I am, raggedy, weak, pathetic little me. I'm not complainin or nothin, I'm just saying it how it is. This is what happens when you never look. Sure, I've seen a lot in my time, some good, some bad. But it is not what I've seen which marks my age with such disgust. No, if that were true, I could all but forget the terrible things that were labeled inevitable. War, rape, murder, famine, all forgettable things. No, these are not the things which will plague you with sorrow and stampede upon your frail heart with the insufferable dignity of sadness. There are many things worse than this, but only one thing truly horrifying. A thing so disgustingly gruesome no word may truly describe its retched center. A thing so...so...so evil, it can only be hindered by another. That thing is loneliness, and it will get you, it will own you, it will destroy you.

I was once foolish enough to believe living was the only thing worth dying for, and at the time, it was a pretty just thing to think. But that was a long time ago, a time when love was abundant and friends were near. A time when loneliness was not even a sparse possibility, for I always had her.

I'll never forget her. Sometimes I wish I could. But people are different in that way. Sure, you can forget birthdays and interviews and battles and plays, but you never do forget the people, especially her.

The worst part about it isn't forgettin, it's rememberin. Rememberin what you used to be, used to do, used to love. But there ain't no love. Not now, anyhow. No, there can't be. It's just not how the world works. Not anymore. Not without her.

Of course, things weren't always this way. In fact, most of the time things weren't this way. No, I tell you none of these things to strike fear in your eyes nor pain in your stomach. No, I tell you these things cus no one tells anyone nothin. They tell you a lotta things, the schools and the books and the academics and all those crummy conspirators. But they never tell you one truth. No, no one much wants that. It's because their cowards. Heck, we're all cowards! We rather prosper in our ignorance than admonish any lie. We rather never see a thing than always see everything.

Well, let me tell you somethin, sonny, the world ain't so pretty. Never has been, never will. No, the fact of the matter is, life is hard, gruesome, disgusting, unbearable. Life will knock you down and you kick you while you squirm helplessly pleading and begging and praying. Life will shoot your eye out and blow your hearing to smithereens. Life will poke you and stab you and loathe you and hurt you with the might of a jealous God. Life will do a lotta things, but ain't no one know cus no one ever looks.

Why should they? What's the point? I'll tell you the point. Every time we turn a blind eye, we lose an eye ourself. An eye for an eye is two eyes lost. And if we keep turning and don't stop stop lookin', well, there won't be much left to look at.

So son, I ask you, I beg you, I plead you, look. It's not a pleasant thing, lookin ain't. No, it's certainly not that. But it's not somethin we can avoid. No, not anymore. I spent so much time avoiding that I forgot I ever had anything to avoid. And when I saw, so late in my age and down in my sorrows, I was more than ashamed, I was doomed.

But lookin ain't somethin you can just do. No, even the blind know that. Looking takes somethin more than courage, something more than moxy. Lookin takes love, and if you never find that, you'll never have a chance.

So I tell you this as a warning, nay, a prophesy. Look now, look often, look forever. Ignorance will stop nothin, only your courage. This is no time for stupid, no time for the blind. It's about time you start seeing, for the blind are as good as dead. Look at the world, see it as it is, and tell me what you see.

No, don't do that, don't tell me a thing. I know what you see. I've seen what you see. There's no use in telling an old rag like me. So don't. Don't be so stupid as to waste your time with me. The old can tell you a lot, but they ain't havin none of that listenin. There's far too much to say to have any time to listen. So you listen to me, young whipper snapper.

Life ain't made for you. Life ain't ever been built for your conquering. Life is only here to push you and shove you and spit in your face. Life ain't good or just or kind. Life just is, and the sooner you know, the sooner you can change. So go, conquer the world, change destiny, abhor fate. The only fate you got is the one you give. So go change the world, cus if you don't do the changin, it sure as heck goin to change you.

But before you do any of that, remember this: I regret a a whole lot in my life, the people I've tricked, the men I've killed, the woman I've shamed, but there's one thing I'll never regret, and that's her. So go find her. No, not my her, your her. Who her is, I don't know. That's not mine to be spectin'. But it is your her, and you need her as much as she need you.

How will you know? You won't. You never will. But somethin will change when you meet her. No, not any bodily function you horny good for nothin kid. Somethin will change in here. Somethin that can't be described. Somethin that no word can fathom.

So go. Find her. Love her. Treat her well. Treat her kind. She ain't no thing to be owned or told what to do. She is a person as good as you. So go now. Hurry. She might already be lost. No, I'm just kiddin, she ain't no lost. When two people are meant to be, they always be.

So go now. Hurry along. I ain't got one last thing left to say. If you ain't learned nothin yet, I spect no more blabbing will do you any good. Go now. Go while you can. For when you find her, you ain't never gonna wanna leave.